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Change Him or Exchange Him

Confession, I’m a former control freak. I use to be the friend who thought they knew it all and let everyone know it. You know the one who would tell you about your potential and attempt to create ways to get you to apply each one. Quickly I learned that life works in it’s own way. For example, people are exactly who they are and changing a person is in their own power. This same lesson goes for the guy or the guys you’re dating and trying to upgrade. You can definitely show someone a different perceptive of life, but you can’t change the core of a man. His inner self will eventually surface either right in front of you or with another woman.

Perfect former couple would be Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez) circa 2002-2004. Yeah, she may have   been from the block, but Ben was clearly not about that life and headed in another direction. A man wants you to take him for who he is and not what you dictate him to be. Ask yourself do I want to be his mother or his lover?

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 Ladies you don’t want to be the woman he runs from. What you really want is to be the woman he runs to. Yes, if you love him accept him for his flaws, but only if they’re minuscule and livable (i.e. a little messy, snoring, or insensitive). At the same time I do condone letting a man go if he isn’t fulfilling your needs. We all have wants and needs that should be reached and attained. Remember you still have to be reasonable and know how to compromise. It’s not fair to expect him to be a 10 and you’re sitting at a 6.5. Yeah, I said it. If you want a 10 then be that 10 when he first approaches you. It’s time to attract what you want not what you already passed on. Repeats are cool, but rarely give the same thrill the next time around. Can I get an AMEN?

Be sure to sit back and reevaluate what your needs and wants are in a man. Once you do that check what applies to you first on that list. The mirror is staring you straight in the face now. Be sure you can check off every aspect before demanding it from someone else. I’m even going as far as sexual fulfillment. Do you really know how to please yourself? If not how do you expect him to find out? These are real things to think about. After running through the list and discovering whatever you may not be able to fulfill opens up space to compromise. Simply give and take and allow love to flourish.

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Helpful Tips

1.)   Make a list of no more than 10 core characteristics you desire.

2.)   Ask yourself if you embody those traits first.

3.)   Compare and ask your trustful girlfriends for their honest thoughts. WARNING: No Frenemy.

4.)   Take off what you’re willing to compromise while dating. This allows you to try and see the person for who they are within.

5.)   Most importantly if you can’t change him, exchange him, or change yourself if need be!

As a New Jersey native it came as no surprise when Sebastien, birthed a knack for talking and writing. During his college days the young blogger gained experience through international talkers such as The Maury Show and The Mo’nique Show. After years of interning and assisting the aspiring journalist threw caution to the wind and launched TheGayBestie.com. The lifestyle and culture website provides a different spin on love, sex, relationships, and fashion. #TGB focuses on the 21st Century woman and her loyal companion, other known as the gay bestie. Readers will find discussions that are usually held behind closed doors placed in the forefront to totally meet the needs of all. No, topic is ever off limits. So ladies brace yourselves because Sebastien is taking you places where you’ll be sure to blush and share a laugh! He’s giving exactly what’s been missing. Grab you’re favorite beverage (i.e. red wine), sit back, and prepare to gab about this with your girlfriends the minute you see them.
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