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Does Size Matter?

Things got a little  heated all over Facebook, as I shared a blog post that I came across about weight.

To summarize, here is what was outlined in the post:

  • A Couple in their early 30’s has been together for 9 years and have a 5 year old son
  • During the 9 year relationship, the woman has gained 45 pounds and has not stuck to any exercise or diet regimen long enough to lose the weight
  • The topic of marriage came up and the boyfriend says he wants to marry her, but also revealed that he doesn’t want to do so until she loses weight
  • She feels he is being shallow and doesn’t know what to do

Of course and as expected, a lot of people were in an uproar about it. “Girl lose the weight and leave him. How dare he put conditions on marriage? He should love you the way that you are. He is shallow! I wouldn’t ever get with a man like that. You can’t put conditions on marriage.

Marriage Contract

Whether we want to admit it or not, marriage and relationships come with conditions. Most of us go into our relationships by stating our deal-breakers, non-negotiables, or conditions. It’s simple math….If he/she does or doesn’t do X, then we cannot have Y. For example if man proposed marriage to me, but was not working or earning steady income, guess what? I’m not going to move forward with making a life together until he gets his job and financial situations in order BEFORE marriage…conditions.

 

Love is unconditional. Marriage is not.

So why is the weight loss condition such a bad thing? Why is it difficult for us to look at things with more logic and less emotion? I know that it’s a tough pill to swallow and I don’t know why it took this man so long to address the weight issue, but it’s a necessary conversation to have with your spouse. If this woman’s doctor told her to lose weight, I would gather that the overwhelming responses would be “girl do what you have to do to lose the weight” and not “girl find yourself a new doctor.”

Weight Loss

Is it just me or does it seem that lot of people want honesty in their relationships as long as it doesn’t hurt their feelings or require them to take a sober second look at the things they need to fix in order to enhance their relationships? I applaud this man for having the courage to communicate his concerns for his woman’s weight, as I’m fairly certain that virtually no man wants to tread in those waters and, hopefully, he expressed himself in a loving and gentle way.

 

As a woman, I completely understand how challenging it can be to lose weight, especially after giving birth, but I don’t agree with letting yourself go. A lot of us get into this “take me as I am” or “marriage is for better or for worse” attitude and that’s not fair. Why should anyone enter into marriage already at their worst? You should want to be attractive to your mate by being your best you. What’s the point of fixing yourself up during the courting/dating phase only to fall off once you get into a relationship or marriage? That is not acceptable. Yes, morals, values, personality are all important, but don’t health and looks also matter?

 

Before and After Weight LossAt the end of the day, size matters and I think this woman should lose the weight, keep her man, get married, and live happily and healthily ever after. Excess weight affects your health and if it’s not addressed before marriage, I seriously doubt that anything will change after jumping the broom. Of course, I do believe that this should be a team effort so that she’s not going at it alone and I also believe that she should take the opportunity to outline the not so pleasant things about him that need to be addressed before marriage.

 

 

 

 

this date is over

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that’s my five cents.

 

Sincerely,

 Miss Marie

The NON-Expert Dater

What would you do if your spouse told you that you needed to lose weight? How would you want your spouse to approach you about your weight gain? What’s the best way to communicate to your spouse that they need to lose weight?

 

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Miss Marie is a 30 something year-old dater hailing from the Washington, DC metropolitan area by way of suburban Maryland. She launched ThisDateIsOver.com in November of 2012 because she had one bad date too many. Her goal was to create a site for kicks and giggles to serve as a platform to allow others to share the good, the BAD, and the ugly when it comes to their own dating experiences so that everyone can learn from their mistakes and what NOT to do in the realm of dating and relationships.
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