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Domestic Violence: No Longer Suffering In Silence

President Barack Obama declared October Domestic Violence Awareness month on September 29, 2013. Finally, the many women (and men) who have suffered from domestic violence by their intimate partner(s) – physical, mental, and emotional; the survivors are being celebrated, those still in peril are being encouraged, those incarcerated are being acknowledged and for the many who have lost their lives to domestic abuse – a tribute and remembrance.

Domestic Violence

Domestic Abuse 1

I am a survivor of domestic violence; I suffered for many years (in silence) the rage and anger, embarrassment and shame of being a victim of abuse. Those in my inner circle knew of some things I endured, even on my beautiful, dark skin make-up and unseasonal clothing choices could only hide so much. I only told them what I wanted them to know, I protected my victimizer for fear of losing my children. Yes, there are laws in place to “assist” those in abusive situations but more often than not, the victim becomes victimized by the system and the abuser at the same time.

It took many years for me to break away from this torment, to slowly regain my voice and my power; to truly understand I didn’t deserve the things I was ALLOWING to happen to me. My family was aware but only with certain aspects of the things that were happening, my mother lived in constant fear of my life being taken from me, my children where traumatized but I still trying to fix someone who was broken while tearing myself and my children down in the process.

Domestic Abuse

On February 14th of one year, I was getting dressed. My significant other and I were arguing and before I knew it he lifted me off the floor by my neck chocking me. This wasn’t the biggest physical infraction he’s ever committed; I’ve been punched, slapped, kicked, dragged up and down stairs by my hair, smothered…the list goes on. But something about that day, something in that moment told me I was finally done and it was time, finally, for me to break free from this. It would take a few more months to be completely free, one more fight where I would be kicked in my back and spat on but I was introduced to someone (by a real friend who never left my side through all of this – she did more than anyone else to help me become a survivor) during this time that understood my pain, walked in my shoes and went through the same journey I was going to embark on.

Domestic Abuse 2

She lost every materialistic possession but regained herself and her children; she was rich in spirit, happiness and peace. I wanted that, I needed that for my kids and myself. It was time and she walked me through it, held my hand, let me cry on her shoulder and allowed me to borrow her strength! Her voice was my voice, my cries use to be hers – I will never forget the value of her words and her time; she showed me the roadmap that lead back to…ME!

So for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to salute these two women (K.A and “T”) and to all the men and women who made a different for women (and men) like me, who took those baby steps with us, showed us compassion, gave us encouragement, helped without judgment, loved us despite us not loving ourselves, took time out to be the very person to help us get out of the grave and back to living. The women and men who said if you’re ready to shed this cloud of abuse, I will be here with you; the endured the threats from our abusers, and sometimes the violence, to see us out of the turmoil and chaos of our lives.

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You saved the lives of women, like me, because of you I can help someone else who is suffering in silence. Words do not describe the depth of gratitude owed to you, the magnitude of your generosity, the abundance of love you showed me and others like me – you deserve to be acknowledged, recognized for your efforts! With all that I am and all the I ever will be, I thank you! I love you more than you can possibly image and more than you will ever know.

I've seen it all, been through it all and I am still standing strong. I have very little patience for foolishness but I have enough compassion and drive to help those who ask for help. Recently, I got tired of seeing women just making some poor choices and having made many mistakes in my life; I am here to help you out!

4 Comments

  1. Danielle Braxton

    October 15, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Great story Ms. Nix. I too am a survivor of domestic violence and child abuse. A lot of women think it is the right thing to do by staying with the abuser for the sake of the child(ren) having a relationship with their father. When the father is in disaster mode (abusive) it creates more travesty for the child(ren) in their later years. Watching my mother being beat had a tremendous affect on my siblings and me. I am so glad there are so many places men and women can receive help to build their esteem and start life without being in fear of being abused.
    Danielle Braxton recently posted…Your Approval Not NeededMy Profile

    • Ms. Nix

      October 15, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      I saw the same things coming up and it makes your judgement screwed!! Things have changed, legally, somewhat but it is very difficult to get people to open up about abuse when they still don’t feel protected and/or have not gained an understanding they do not have to go through abuse to be loved or to be deemed worthy by anyone or anything. For a long time, I could not see the picture I was in; I had to step out of the frame (with some help) to really see the damage that was being wrecked on my sons image of relationships, of women, of self and then look I took a long hard look at me and why I was allowing this behavior to exist in my life. I can remember the last time we had a major incident, which was in the 2000’s – he was never arrested although there was evidence of the physical attack. He was only told to leave and cool off. I paid greatly for it later. When these things happen, it keeps women silent; I am really motivated to help those in dire need and to find away to truly get them the help they deserve. Some facilities take a serious approach while others still have the old mind set,”She’s just going to go back so why get involved,” – if someone didn’t get involved and I mean really pull me up I don’t know where I would be right now.

  2. Antionette Blake

    October 15, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Yes, VP Biden was also very instrumental in spreading awareness to this cause when he was a Senator in Delaware. Thank you.
    Antionette Blake recently posted…Liberty Creek Wines Supports Operation GratitudeMy Profile

    • Ms. Nix

      October 15, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      The more domestic abuse is bought to the forefront of people minds, better laws to protect victims can be made but more importantly, the abused start to get courage to leave their dangerous situations. If you know someone will help you and there a things and people to protect you – I mean really protect you, more women (and men) will make a stand and get away from their abusers.

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