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When relationships start to go south and you and your partner are not communicating with one another. You’re upset for one reason or another and you start yelling at the top of your lungs. You see her and you push down everything you are feeling and won’t say one word…one or both of you may be heading in a direction which can lead to emotional cheating.
Often we want to vent our frustrations with our significant other to someone outside of our relationship – parents, girlfriend(s), guy friend(s), etc. and when you choose someone of the opposite sex to confide in you may be traveling down a dangerous road. You have a void in your partnership at the moment, you are vulnerable and Jane may be saying everything you want to hear from your mate – giving you encouragement and support. John may be giving you the attention you’ve been lacking, taking you out on “dates” – an activity which may have been missing from your relationship for a long period of time. It is very easy for you to transfer your feelings from one person to another to make yourself feel whole, satisfied, loved…
So what constitutes emotional cheating?
It starts with deception…when you are with someone (married, dating, courting, long-term relationship) there should be no one and nothing you two can’t talk about – there should be no secrets. When you start hiding phone calls, text messages, tweets, Facebook messages, etc. from a particular person(s) of the opposite; this can be the beginning of an emotional affair. Yes, men and women should be able to interact with others of the opposite sex but how you engage and what you make your partner privy too can set the stage for emotional cheating.
Next, if the person is local you begin to meet up to have a lunch date here and there and your significant is none the wiser and you definitely don’t feel the need to divulge the information – Jane is just a friend. If there is some distance between you, you take private calls or in this day of modern technology you may use Voxer, Tango, Facetime or Skype to have a “cyber date,” with John while your mate is at work, watching the game or fixing the kitchen sink – but hey it’s not a date, I’m grown and he’s just a friend!
You may even fantasize about Jane while your being intimate with you man or imagine yourself kissing John while you’re hugging your partner as he leaves for work. When you talk, you mention Jane more and more in your conversations with you mate or friends and family. John’s opinion or point of view on different circumstances becomes synonymous with you own – at this point know you are in an emotional affair.
Emotional cheating does not is committing the act of being with someone sexually but it can lead to a physical affair. The things John or Jane are providing you should be what you want to attain with your partner. Those kind words, the attention, dating, intimacy – emotionally, mentally and physically should come from and be given to the person you have made a commitment with. When those things are lacking and someone feels neglected, unappreciated, etc., this is when you’re understanding, compassion and (most importantly) good and healthy communication come into play. Instead of focusing your energy into John or Jane – redirect your focus to the one you love and the one who loves you! Relationships are hard work and you only get out of it what you put in it! Reclaim your union and end your emotional cheating – immediately!
Until next time, enjoy the Mix Experience