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How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone (Maybe)
So the person you have been waiting for all of your life FINALLY appears. They’re easy on the eyes, make you laugh, and you just love being in their presence, but guess what? They just want to be friends! [Insert Dagger In Chest!] Just friends? Just friends? How can they not like you? [Ohhh the humanity!]
Why are you in the friend zone? Well, simply put, the romantic or relationship feelings are NOT mutual.
Below are some ways that might help you get out of the friend zone, but, of course, this is based on ZERO fact. So just humor me and read on. You might get lucky….maybe. lol
I know this sounds EXTREMELY harsh but take a long look in the mirror and reflect on your appearance because personality is NOT enough. Then take a moment to reflect on the types of men/women your love interest has previously dated. Do you match or come anywhere close to their past lovers’ swag [ugh I hate that word but I didn’t know what else to use]?
Ladies, if he’s used to dating a Kim Kardashian [in terms of style and body] and you’re dressed like Ugly Betty…your personality can be great, but your appearance just might put you in the friend zone. The same goes for the fellas. If she’s used to dating a David Beckham [stylish and well-groomed] and you’re looking like a 1990′s skateboarder or a bum off of the street, that’s not a match. No, you don’t have to have the biggest breasts, booty, muscles, or most expensive clothes, but please by all means fix yourself up and if you don’t know how, HIRE someone [a stylist perhaps] or consult with popular fashion magazines and/or blogs.
Bottom line, enhancing your appearance is a great first step; otherwise, you might remain in the friend zone.
What Are You Lacking?
Chances are if you are in the friend zone, you probably have not put yourself in a position to be desired and might lack some or all of the the following: class, confidence, charisma, and sex appeal.
Class: Are you versatile? Can you adapt to a variety of settings? If your love interest is a socialite or attends corporate/conservative functions, would they see you as an enhancement or an embarrassment? Can you look the part? Do you own a (tailored) suit or appropriate attire? Can you hold an intelligent conversation or speak intelligently on a variety of topics? Do you have proper home training manners? Are you chivalrous?
Confidence: Shyness is cute when you’re in elementary school NOT when you are an adult. Don’t take a passive approach to relationships and, instead, stand up for yourself. Have some confidence for crying out loud.
Charisma: Once you’ve enhanced your physical attributes, what is it about your personality that will reel him or her in? No, you don’t have to be the life of the party, but can you spark up a thought-provoking conversation? Do you make eye-contact? Do you smile? Are you funny (not corny)? Are you approachable? Do you have pizazz? What will draw him/her to you?
Sex Appeal: Similar to charisma, what is it about you that will make a person WANT you? Some of you have the sex appeal of a pet rock and really need to find ways to encourage a person to desire you physically. Are you intelligent? Do you smell good? Are you graceful? Is their an air about you? Is there anything about you that would make your crush want to rip their clothes off and take you?
Now how does one acquire all of those things above? Beats the hell out of me. Lol! My guess is that you should perhaps get a life or relationship coach [there’s nothing wrong with getting help and hiring a coach could be very beneficial!], read a book, google or youtube it…I don’t know. Clearly whatever you’re doing isn’t working, so trying something new would more than likely help you.
Sooooo many times I’ve heard people say “I gave hints” in lieu of them actually expressing their true feelings to their crush. Although it may not always work in your favor, you have to be direct and communicate your feelings and intentions with that person. Closed mouths don’t get fed.
Make A Move
A person wants to feel wanted and beyond saying so, have you physically communicated that you want your crush? High fives, church hugs, and buddy pats on the back do not scream that you are interested. I know you might be a little nervous, but if you don’t put yourself out there to at least grab his/her hand or go for a full-blown kiss, then expect to stay in the friend zone. Go big or go home! Now, of course, this can go horribly wrong for you and you might get rejected, but you have to take that chance by making a move and once you do, it will probably be a LOT clearer where you stand with that person on a relationship level.
When you are in the friend zone, you always want to be there for your crush to show them that you care hoping that their feelings will somehow catch on. You will walk through fire and eat glass so that they will notice how great you are, but at some point you have to simply say no and be less available. Don’t be at this person’s beck and call.
Don’t Discuss Other Relationships
If at all possible, avoid discussing relationships with your love interest. No one wants to have a conversation with a crush who is crushing on someone else, especially when that someone else is NOT you. So change the subject or tell your love interest straight up that you are not comfortable hearing about their feelings or dealings with other people.
Wait it Out
People say that the best relationships started out as friends first. So, you might want to pack a whole lot of patience and simply wait it out to see if that person will eventually come around. Rome wasn’t built in a day. However, be fair to yourself and give it an expiration date because your crush just might not ever develop feelings for you.
Keep Your Options Open
We all want what somebody else has [well maybe not all of us, but you get what I’m saying] and if your love interest sees you with someone else, perhaps that will encourage him/her to have a change of heart or open their eyes to what they could potentially be losing: YOU. So, date other people. Who knows? You might even find someone who has a mutual interest in you.
Maybe It’s Not Meant To Be
Although it’s probably not what you want to hear, but maybe being that person’s friend is exactly where you’re supposed to be in their life. A relationship might not EVER be in the cards for you. So you can value that friendship for what it’s worth or….
One sure way to get out of the friend zone is to remove yourself. If you don’t want to be that person’s friend, then WALK AWAY. At the end of the day, the only person keeping you there is YOU. Besides, you know your worth and value and if that “friend” cannot see that (on a relationship level), then perhaps you should invest your time and energy into someone who does. Sometimes people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone and perhaps your absence will be your love interest’s wake-up call.
Of course I could go on and on with tips and advice, but I want to hear from you. Besides, I’m no expert! lol
What are some ways to get out of the friend zone in your opinion? Post your comments below.
Miss Marie….the NON-expert dater
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