Hot Topic Tuesday: Forever Dating?

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Everyone has a determining process in which they decide if each particular person is marriage material. The means of reaching that conclusion may vary a bit, but I’d like to think that it’s typically streamlined to be similar.

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Most woman desire a strong virile man who can take care of business, pay the bills, be compassionate and supportive of his wife and most being a provider and a protector of her heart. Men want a woman that treats him like he is her only king, is strong but docile and beckons to his needs without much resistance; he too wants her to protect his heart. Women and men are not that different, neither wants to be taken advantage of, or hurt, or taken for granted, we all want to be loved and give love, so what’s the hold up if we all want the same thing?

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Either way, once you find your way to each other and you’ve dated and enjoyed each other’s company, when do you start monitoring your time? After 6 months, after 1 year, after 2 years, 5 years? When is it that you need to put your foot down and either realize this is not the mate for you, or that this person has become too comfortable with you to desire anything more? Have you had any conversations on marriage, children, and lifelong commitments? Have they expressed a future with you?

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Don’t think you’re supposed to date for 5 years before you discuss marriage, don’t think you’re supposed to suffer through someone’s “process” of an exuberant amount of time. Shoot the BACHELOR (TV Show) has about 30 contestants to narrow down to one and he does that in no time at all! If he can do it with all of those women, how hard is it for one man to get to know you, assess you, and see if you’re what he is looking for and if he can tolerate the characteristics he doesn’t like? I know as a woman, I can love long and hard. But what I have learned through the years is that it doesn’t take long to see a person for who they are, that’s for men and women. If you are patient and if you watch attentively, you will see exactly what you’ve got on your hands; a winner or a headache! A tiger cannot change its stripes!

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Maya Angelou said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

If your mate cheats, then guess what? They’re a “cheater”!

If your mate likes to lie, then they’re a liar. If your mate doesn’t put any of your needs before theirs, then they are selfish. If your mate doesn’t want to share you, then they are possessive. Don’t make excuses for bad behavior! None of us are perfect, but if this is someone that you want to keep around, you have to address the issues at hand in order to see if one-this matter can be resolved or two-it’s a deal breaker and you have to get out-sooner is always better than later!

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In the event that you have the “one” and you’re still dating, when do you think they should propose? Should the man be the only one expected to propose marriage? Are we at the place in society where the woman can propose and still be respected as a “woman”? Or do we still believe chivalry is not dead and that the man should propose? Do we leave too much power to the man? What are your thoughts?

Happily divorced mother of one. I date when I find a worthy partner. I love to talk about relationships, work through problems with people and remind them of their options. I'm very open and willing to share all of my experiences to help others.


  1. Wilda

    April 23, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Each relationship is different, but the foundation of relationship should rest on each person’s beliefs and values, and then that will determine what is long enough (or to long)to wait for a proposal and who (man or woman) should do the proposing. Get your values and beliefs down first, don’t just follow whatever at any given time. Love the post.

    • Ms. Nix

      April 23, 2013 at 2:11 pm

      Thank you very much for responding. Each relationship should bring out your best attributes and help you to correct your personal character defects and flaws. When you are considering a potential mate, you should ensure you ask the right questions to begin with so you do not waste your time. Life is too short to waste time on relationships that are doomed to go no where.

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