I Am Being Mary Jane-Single, Almost Forty, and Childless

being mary jane

Single female. Late thirties. Educated. Professional. No kids.  You would think that these words would get the attention of all the men looking for a decent woman. A single woman with no kids should be a hot commodity these days, just like a rare diamond. Actually it’s the complete opposite. The words single plus no kids AND educated should have all the men running your way. Instead, those words work more like a roach repellent and people run in the other direction. At least that’s how it seems thanks to society.

Societal expectations are that you should be married and with kids by at least age 35. If not, you’re labeled as “having something wrong with you”, “she can’t conceive”, “she’s going to end up being a crazy cat lady’ or “she must be selfish”. All not true. The truth is, some women opted to choose working on building their career first or either wasted time and energy on someone who they shouldn’t have been with in the first place.

To go into more depth, sometimes this type of woman intimidates some men and some can’t handle what is being bought to the table and they run.  Before you know it, old Father Time comes and taps you on the shoulder with his sand in the hour-glass as a reminder that, your time has almost run out. Where did the time go? Even Father Time took the time out to get married to Mother Earth. For the past 15 years people have been telling you that “you have time”.  If you’re not paying attention time will definitely pass you by. Clearly time waits for no one.

being mary jane

The new episode of Being Mary Jane that aired on Tuesday, February 3rd  on BET struck a familiar chord. I can relate, with the exception of dating a married man. You put your all into certain relationships only for it to not work out and they end up happily ever after and with kids with someone else. This was something that YOU wanted to have with him. Did I miss something here? If I did, no one sat me down to explain. What does she have that I don’t? You then go fishing for info on this woman to see if you can find out on your own what she possesses that you don’t. You end up on stalk mode.

You start to look around and everyone around you either has a family or working on their second marriage and you’re still the lone single sister that’s without the first husband and first child. Family or friends start asking the dreadful and annoying question, “Don’t you want kids?” The sarcastic response should be, “Aren’t you supposed to be married first?” To avoid confrontation about that sensitive subject, you just brush it off and respond by saying ‘’We’ll see what happens.” Friends start feeling sorry for you and want to play match maker and you’re not feeling the idea of that awkward hook-up.

being mary jane

You also start to think to yourself, should I have not spent so much time on my career? Why didn’t they advertise freezing your eggs back when I was in MY twenties? If they did I probably wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyway. Maybe I should have given that guy the time of day that wanted to spend his time with me but I didn’t want to make the time. Why did I not have a male figure in my life growing up to be a standard or an example that I can judge men by? Maybe there is something about me and people are just not telling me. All of these things run through your mind as you’re lounging on your couch with your wine glass.  Why am I still single at age 40?

Being single and childless also comes with a cost. You’re often frowned upon amongst other insecure females because they feel you are a threat. You become an instant rival. They feel since you are single with no kids, that their man will show some interest in you because of that. You don’t get invited to certain events because of it. Some of your friends don’t talk to you about kid stuff because you don’t have kids. Then you have that one insensitive friend that will remind you of the fact that you don’t have kids, so she tells you that you wouldn’t know what she is talking about anyway.

Beinng MaryJane Glasshouse

Mara Brock Akil, the writer of Being Mary Jane used the idiom in Tuesday’s episode, “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” but instead of stones she had Mary Jane replace the stone with a fish. I thought this to be quite clever because living in society today being almost 40 not married and childless, you feel like a fish out of water. Feeling like a fish out of water can either mean, being in a situation that you never been in before or being different from the people around you. Society will definitely make you feel “different” if you fall into this category.

Harmonee Holmes is freelance writer originally from Baltimore, MD. Harmonee grew up in small town Halifax, North Carolina and attended Shaw University and Strayer University in Raleigh, NC, She began her passion for writing 10 years ago by blogging and writing short stories, while residing in Chicago, IL. Most of her writing is inspired by her own personal past experiences in relationships and she also likes to discuss current events and politics in the news.She will often sometimes just be creative with a fictional short story. Harmonee is an Insurance Counselor and part-time writer currently residing in Baltimore, MD. IG:@cocopuff319 Twitter: @harmoneeholmes Website: www.harmoneeholmes.com
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