The Mary Jane Syndrome


Single females having an affair with a married man is happening more often than you may realize. Successful women with degrees, high-powered positions, nice car, nice homes and living the American Dream. The one thing that some of these powerful women may not have is a love of their own.

What attracts some successful females to another woman’s husband? Are some women so powerful, competitive, and have an ego so large, that they intentionally try to take another woman’s husband to see if it can be accomplished? Sort of like a way to feed a large ego? Perhaps it’s the feeling of entitlement, low self-esteem, or just the fact that someone is viewed as being more desirable when they are in a relationship with someone else. For some people, the food on someone else’s plate always looks tastier.

Actress Gabrielle Union plays the role of Mary Jane on the hit new series “Being Mary Jane“. She’s an educated, powerful, successful, single female that has a news anchor position for a local television network. Mary Jane has it all. She has a nice house, great job, and driving an $80,000 Porsche Panamera. However, somehow she has gotten herself into a situation that some women can relate to. She’s addicted to a married man.

There are a few things that you need to learn from what I’m going to call the ‘Mary Jane Syndrome’.

mary-jane-5  *YOU’RE WASTING YOUR TIME– He’s never going to  leave his wife for you. I don’t care how many times he says “I Love You” or how much time he spends with YOU and not his wife. Even if he buys you a promise ring, he’s NEVER leaving his wife. Your married beau is going to continue to tell you what you want to hear, and buy you things you expect in a normal relationship. He will drag this situation out for as long as he can or for as long as you allow it. Before you know it, months and years have passed by and you’re still in the same secret relationship with him 5 years later. Do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time.

*GET USED TO BROKEN PROMISES– He continues to lie to you and you acceptit. You make dinner dates but suddenly he can’t make it. You plan weekend rendezvous’, but he sometimes bmj101_stepasidemakes up excuses as to why he didn’t show up. You continue to accept this behavior and continuously tell yourself and him that you understand. Sometimes you sit and stalk your own cell phone waiting on his call and he never does. He doesn’t call because in reality he’s with his wife and family. Your reaction to it all– you turn into a raving lunatic sitting in a dark room like a meth addict going through withdrawal. When will you wake up and detox yourself?


*HIDDEN LACK OF TRUST FROM FRIENDS– You may have a couple of friends that understand and support the fact that you are having an affair with a married man. However, what they may not tell you is that in the back of their mind they don’t trust you being around their man. Who would feel comfortable around someone that is known to continuously date married men? It shows lack of morals and values and respect.

Unfortunately, there are quite a few women with the ‘Mary Jane Syndrome’. Whether if it’s low self-esteem, or your own personal power trip, at the end of the day the excitement of being with another woman’s husband it not worth it. Not only are you cheating with another woman’s spouse, you’re cheating yourself.

**Tune in tonight on BET and see how much you can relate to Mary Jane.


Harmonee Holmes is freelance writer originally from Baltimore, MD. Harmonee grew up in small town Halifax, North Carolina and attended Shaw University and Strayer University in Raleigh, NC, She began her passion for writing 10 years ago by blogging and writing short stories, while residing in Chicago, IL. Most of her writing is inspired by her own personal past experiences in relationships and she also likes to discuss current events and politics in the news.She will often sometimes just be creative with a fictional short story. Harmonee is an Insurance Counselor and part-time writer currently residing in Baltimore, MD. IG:@cocopuff319 Twitter: @harmoneeholmes Website:


  1. Tashi Tate

    February 6, 2014 at 10:23 am

    I feel real empathy for women that suffer from this “Mary Jane Syndrome”. Like Harmonee mentioned, their actions could stem from numerous reasons. The fact still remains that there is some type of disconnection from reality. The choices that are made either upon knowledge of and/or prior too, is exactly that…your choice! Lust is not love and love is not lust. Whatever the choice, you have to live with that consequence.

    • Ms. Nix

      February 6, 2014 at 10:49 am

      I love the statement, “Lust is not love and love is not lust!” you hit the nail on the head!

  2. Nitocris

    February 6, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Great article. The last point is so true: ‘hidden lack of trust from friends’. My aunty had an affair with my step-dad although on the surface she was forgiven, even my mum forgave her (on the surface), friends and family stopped checking for her. Finally she emigrated to America.

    I can’t watch Being Mary Jane as I know first hand what destruction side-chicks can bring on a family. I wished they had come up with something different for this show.
    Nitocris recently posted…Trayvon’s killer should not be allowed to box for moneyMy Profile

    • Ms. Nix

      February 5, 2014 at 9:00 am

      Until they recognize their worth, gain some self-esteem and stop accepting the role of the “side-chick,” things will continue on.

    • Ms. Nix

      February 4, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      She did a great piece!!! Harmonee is hawt!!!

  3. Paige

    February 4, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Awesome writing! Keep it up!

    • Harmonee

      February 5, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      Thank you!

    • Ms. Nix

      February 4, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      Thank you for checking our Ms. Harmonee!!! Could you identify with anything from the post?

%d bloggers like this: