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In 2013, I dated throughout the whole year. Am I the only one that feels dating can be exhausting?! I learned more about myself and what I’ve outgrown and what I really want from love. I learned a lot about men as well. Men like to point out women’s insecurities, but…. I don’t want NO parts of an insecure man!
NOW, it’s 2014 and we entered it with a new trend… The good ‘ol I think we need a break… or I need time to myself to think syndrome. Space (or a break) is a euphemism for I need the freedom to do what I want without the guilt of feeling like I cheated. Whenever I think about the drama of love between men and women, I often think of the movie Boomerang. It’s one of my favorite movies! I especially love the part when Halle Berry goes in on Eddie Murphy about love.
“You know, what do you know about love? What do you possibly think you know about love? You know, I am sick and tired of men using love like it’s some kind of disease you just catch. LOVE should have brought your ass home last night!” AND scene :)
– Halle Berry (as Angela) in Boomerang
All jokes aside I’m beginning to understand what it means to enjoy the journey of life and love. Although we should keep our eyes on the prize, love and life isn’t all about the final destination. What makes your destination so special isn’t about where you end up, its how you got there! There’ll be messy moments in love that will have you sitting up late night wrapped up in your emotions, drowning in shots of Patron (my drink of choice) feeling clueless on what to do next… And what to do next normally consist of:
Should I call him?
Should I call him and cuss his a** out?
Should I just drive by?
I know he got my text message(s)!
But I love him!!!!!!
LOL, I normally fall asleep before I make the decision to make a complete fool of myself. There’ll be times when you’re looking at your mate like they’re CRAZY…You might not feel like talking to them or even dealing with them…BUT! At the end of the day, they are the ones that hold your crazy confused silly self down. They see straight through all of that…and they still love your dirty drawers! And even after all the unnecessary drama you put yourself and your partner through, you’re still there.
A lot of folks on the outside looking in may ask WHY… but they have no clue what you and your mate have gone through to get to where you are now. The question isn’t why, but is it worth it… Is he/she worth it? And this isn’t a question that someone on the outside looking in can answer. There is no perfect relationship… you can look at everyone’s relationship [that’s in the spotlight] and speculate all day, but you have no clue what’s really going on. That’s why you should mind your own.
Sidebar: I’m going to go a little off the subject, but I’m going to bring it right back, just bear with me.
I was on-line doing a Google search on a movie that my friend told me about a while back. Actually it’s a documentary called Crazy Love by Dan Klores and Fisher Stevens. Ok, if you haven’t seen or heard of this movie I think you should do a little research on it. There are so many golden nuggets in the movie. The need for companionship and to get it at any cost. The fear of being alone… The need for attention. It’s very extreme but it’s very deep. Moving forward, I went on youtube to look at the trailer (I wanted to make sure it was the same movie my bestie told me about), and I came across a panel discussion about the film. On the panel were several different therapists, some of which were marriage counselors. They discussed the couple in the film, and what I took from this was emotional dependency.
Do you know what it means to be emotionally dependant? Well let me give you a quick definition.
Emotional dependency is to rely on others (most likely your mate/mates) for love, security (emotional), or in other words, using others as an emotional crutch, because you really can’t stand to cope on your own. When one of the therapists stated that men are more dependant than women; the light bulb went off. He followed by saying that men are more likely than women to have a companion lined up or waiting in the wings before their relationship is officially over out of fear of being alone and not getting those emotional needs met like he’s use to. So, of course I instantly thought of the on break pregnancies that were being exposed and the overlapping relationships.
Bringing it back to what I had said earlier…
I think the fact that everyone had something to say about the celebrity on break pregnancies, wasn’t all about the outside looking in and adding their two cents, but it resonated with a lot of women. We can identify with this situation. We either have gone through it or no someone who has (or is). We know all too well that anyone on the outside of the relationship trying to give their opinions along with the shoulda, woulda, couldas really have no say so in the matter. There is no point in offering your advice. The only thing you can offer is support. That is all. Trust me, I tried to step in on a relationship, because I didn’t like the way my loved one was being treated and I only made matters worse, and she stayed right with that nut! We live and we learn. I can’t even front, I was in those same shoes. It happens to the best of us!
Just don’t let it make you bitter when love gets a little TOO messy.
Make sure your heart is in the right place, and not in someone else’s hands before you offer it to another.