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Putting Your Heart On the Line: Online Dating 101

 

Technology has completely changed the way that a lot of us do life, especially in the world of dating. We can literally manage our love lives with the click of a mouse and/or thumbs via online dating. Online dating seems like a no-brainer or that it would be fairly simple, but it can be a little complex. So we’ve come up with a list [yes! the dreaded list] of some tips, tricks, advice, and etc. that we’ve learned along the way. Of course we won’t cover everything and will probably have to create several blog posts on this subject, so just humor us for now. lol

HAVE AN OPEN MIND

think positive

If you’re going to be a Debbie Downer with a negative mindset about online dating, then you are doomed from the start. If you’re not going to have an open mind, don’t bother creating a profile. People will often say “Man there are a lot of crazy people online.” NEWSFLASH: There are crazy people everywhere. They’re in your neighborhood, at your job, your church, in your family, and perhaps in your mirror lol…bottom line, have an open mind or stay away from online dating.

 

YOUR PROFILE

It’s not necessary to write a novel, but please have something to say about yourself for crying out loud. The goal of online dating is to go on dates, so sell yourself by focusing on your positive attributes and discussing the things that you like and are looking for in a mate as well as your core values. We all want to paint ourselves in the most positive light and tend to add a little “fluff” or white lies here and there, but do everyone a favor and be as honest as possible. Why? Because the eyes don’t lie. I can see with my own four eyes that “you” in the flesh and “you” online are not the same person. If you’re 5’6, that means you are 5’6 and NOT 5’8. If you experience difficulty seeing your genitalia and/or your feet because your stomach is in the way, then you do NOT have an athletic body type. So use the appropriate wording to accurately describe yourself.

On another note, please by all means avoid posting irrelevant content on your profile. Nobody cares about what your GPA was in high school.  I came across this one guy’s profile that was dedicated to his grandmother. “I just want to give some love to my grandma. She helped raise me when I had nothing and groomed me into the man that I am today.” Sir, this is not the Grammys. Spare us all the acceptance speech and send your grandmother a card or some flowers. Bottom line, it’s a DATING SITE, so post things that are relevant to you as a dater…likes and dislikes, goals, and etc.

Tips to keep in mind: Type your profile in Microsoft Word or a program that has spell and grammar checking capabilities. For the ladies, a LOT of men under 5’10 tend to round up their height by two inches. So if his profile reads that he’s 5’9, chances are he might be 5’7 or shorter.  Also, keep in mind that your profile is not the place for you to piss and moan about what you dislike about the opposite sex or to get on your soap box to vent your dating frustrations. 

a)   Have recent photos – If you are using a scanner or taking pictures of a picture, you should refrain from online dating. There’s no need to waste anyone’s time by posting old pictures of when you used to look good.

b)   You Please! – I get that your kids are cute and that your dog is the best pet in the world, but keep that to a minimum. Nobody wants to see 5 pictures of your dog or children. When a potential dater comes to your page, guess who they want to see? YOU! So avoid posting pictures of your kids, landmarks, scenery, memes, celebrities, and anything that does not include a picture of you.

c)   Group pictures – In the world of smart phones, there really is no excuse for anyone to not be able to have a solo picture. Potential daters do not have the time or patience to try and decipher who you are in a photograph. And if your friends are more attractive, you might want to reconsider posting group photos.

d)   Half naked photos – If you want someone to take you seriously and to see you as a potential love (and not lust) interest, then keep your clothes on. It’s okay to be sexy, but a line has to be drawn somewhere espenaked silhouettecially if you don’t want to appear thirsty for attention.

e)  Flashing Pictures of Money – Nothing screams loser more than a person flashing money in a photo.  I mean seriously! Are you a rapper or something? Flashing money makes me think that the person has no personality, is arrogant, and/or insecure because they lack the proper character or personality traits to woo or engage a person.

f)  Wedding Bands – For starters, nobody married should be on an online dating site to begin with, but if you insist, how about removing your wedding band in pictures jackass?

g)  Quality control – Please please please please have a true friend proof your pictures before posting.  Here are the types of pictures to avoid:

–       Jail and booty poses

–       Any pose that would cause a person to question your sexuality

–       Chapped lips

–       Dry or ashy skin

–       Untamed hair or bad weave, lack of shape-up

Bottom line, put your best face forward and post recent pictures (no less than 6 months ago) of yourself…The rule of three is strongly encouraged: two head-shots, and one full body shot.

bad teeth

Tips to keep in mind: If a person has three nice pictures and one sketchy or questionable picture, the most unattractive picture of the bunch is almost always most accurate.  If a person only posts head-shots, a lot of times they are either short, a bit hefty in size or both. Also, if a person doesn’t smile in any of their pictures, there’s a slight chance that their teeth might be a little jacked up (not always the case, but it happens a LOT).

 

THE CONVERSATION

Once you’ve created your profile and come across individuals who tickle your fancy, keep it simple. Lord knows I cannot stand when a guy sends me his life story when I never expressed any form of interest. For example, this guy apparently took a liking to my profile and sent me the longest message in life. Not only did he disclose where he was born, where he traveled to, and his favorite restaurants, he also went into GREAT detail about the meaning of each of his 8 tattoos.

If you’re going to reach out to a potential love interest, KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE. A “Hello. How are you?” will probably garner more favorable results than sending your thesis statement. Conduct your conversations as if you were meeting this person face to face and take it from there.

Bottom line, less is more.

 

STAY IN YOUR LANE

fat workoutI know this might sound harsh, but the reality is that you need to know and understand who you have a chance with. If you are incredibly out of shape, don’t go after Mr. or Mrs. Six Pack Abs. If she says that she wants someone who is over 5’10 and you’re standing at 5’2 in a pair of Nike boots, keep it moving. My profile clearly states that I do not want a man with gold, jacked up, or missing teeth [excuse my shallowness], yet this guy with gold teeth insisted on messaging me. His explanation, it was too expensive to have them removed. Sorry sir, but I’m not interested.

Bottom line, if you’ve never pulled that type of man or woman in your day-to-day or past dating life, chances are it’s not going to happen for you online either. Everyone isn’t attracted to everyone and, NO, everyone does NOT have a chance.

 

PATIENCE & REJECTION

This may come as a shocker, but everyone is NOT going to like you. So do yourself and others a favor and learn how to handle rejection. Understand that although it would be a nice gesture, everyone is not going to respond to your messages. The best thing to do is simply move on. Don’t send multiple messages and for heavens sake, don’t send an angry one either because nobody wants a nuisance or a whiny brat. See this online dating fail so that you learn what NOT to do. Also, be patient and give the person an opportunity to respond to your message. For example, a guy sent me a message at 8:43pm, but because I didn’t respond by 9:17pm that same night, he felt the need to send me a follow up message telling me how awful of a person I was.

Bottom line, act like an adult. Nobody cares about your temper tantrums [although they are quite humorous]. So learn how to handle rejection and be patient for crying out loud

At the end of the day, online dating should be fun and easy-going and we hope these tips will help you have a more positive outcome.

And that’s my five cents!

Article originally appeared on The Date is Over

 

Miss Marie is a 30 something year-old dater hailing from the Washington, DC metropolitan area by way of suburban Maryland. She launched ThisDateIsOver.com in November of 2012 because she had one bad date too many. Her goal was to create a site for kicks and giggles to serve as a platform to allow others to share the good, the BAD, and the ugly when it comes to their own dating experiences so that everyone can learn from their mistakes and what NOT to do in the realm of dating and relationships.
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