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How To Quickly Tell Your New Boo Isn’t The One For You

In your quest for a new boo, you may or may not have overlooked the signs.  He had other redeeming qualities that made you think, this may be able to work.  Or you saw them right away and couldn’t wait to run.  Either way this is how to quickly tell that the new boo is not the one for you.

Let’s start with the new boo representative.  

The New Boo Representative

The new boo starts off great!  He is funny and takes us to nice places.  He’s eager to please and vies for our attention.  He calls at night before bed and in the morning a sweet-nothing good morning text comes through.  Slowly we become addicted to the attention and impressed by his due diligence.  We begin to do away with the vigil we’ve been keeping to see if he was crazy or had too much drama.  We want to see the inherent goodness in our potentially placed significant other, so the people who are auditioning to take on that role in our lives had better come to impress.

Don’t Become Impressed by the Representative’s Advances, The New Boo Is Still Auditioning

But we have to be cautious.  Don’t allow yourself to become addicted to the unvarnished attention because everyone likes a shiny new toy.  This is also true of your new boo.  He likes the idea of pulling off your wrapping and seeing what’s underneath.  And the car door opening on the first date, the other myriad assortment of impressive things – this is his higher self, the representative.  The new boo will put on the representative’s clothes and walk that walk because he sees something he wants and is willing to do all of the things necessary to get us to the point of no return.  

But you have to keep an eye out because some new boos don’t want you to know who they really are.  And although that higher self is in effect, you can peek behind the curtains to quickly ascertain if this person is who you want to spend a good chunk of your time and efforts on.  I’m going to show you how.

Listen

You have to listen for the gaps in the story, the plotlines that seem dubious and follow your instincts.  The new boo may be telling you things without you knowing at the time exactly what’s going on.  Find out about the baby mama drama, the living situation, his job scenario and all the things he doesn’t want you to know by asking some key questions.  Then listen.  Don’t talk as much, listen to his answers and have follow-up questions ready.  There is information that you can figure out if you listen between his words.

Woman’s Intuition

Your instincts will never steer you wrong.  If they have it’s because of rusty misuse.  Most of the time we know when things are not as they seem and we put on shaded blinders and keep moving forward anyway so conscious of the fact that we want “a” man and not “the” man that’s right for us.  Or that we want kids or that age is creeping up on us like a stalker in the night and we haven’t yet gotten married.  Or we’re lonely and we want someone right now.  Those fears and issues that you harbor help you make poor decisions when it comes to dating.  Because you’re not operating from a place of fulfillment you want to fill of void.

Use The List

We hear conflicting things about making a list of things you really want in a man.  Most women say they don’t have a list but we all really do.  Because honestly, who doesn’t know what they are willing tolerate in their lives? Or what adventures they will enjoy having a partner to accompany them on?  No one, that’s who.  We know what we want to happen in our lives and we have to make sure that this new boo is willing to give us that.

Here’s the happy medium regarding the list.  I think that if we take that list of 345 things and narrow it down to our top 6 must haves, we can vet any man (or woman in some cases) that comes into our lives to see if we truly want them in our dating or relationship lifescape.  

Then on the other side, there are the issues that you see already becoming a problem or are a problem right now.

I created a little card for you to quickly tick off the things you don’t like and the things you do.  I’ve titled this little card, ‘I just realized this dude aint ish’ card with a “Key” and created a blank one for you to download.  It is business card sized, front and back and you can use it to take those top 6 things on your list, place them in the spaces and rate the person’s viability to be in your dating lifescape.  

I-Just-Realized-this-Dude-Aint-Ish-Card

IJRTDAS_Key

There’s a simple rating system and it too is on the card.

What inspired this kind of card?

Well after I wrote the Lose to Win post, I read through it a few times and the realization hit me hard.  I recounted the situation in my head. That’s when I realized, “this dude aint ish”.  It wasn’t because we didn’t work out.  And no I was not bitter about it but I knew I wasted a lot of my time dealing with this person that:

a.  Did not have my must haves

b. Had too many issues for me to deal with

That was my fault.  I had to take the “L” on that but after that, I thought, well if I had come to this conclusion sooner, I would have wasted less time on dealing with someone who just wasn’t worthy of my time and attention.  As women, if we all begin to realize how easy it is to remove someone from our lifescape that doesn’t belong there, we would all be less bitter and/or scarred for it.  So here is my contribution to you ladies, I hope you use it wisely (and often)!

Jaha Knight is a multi-medium [art]repreneur; an enterprising woman with a knack for self-expression. She creates things–stories, books, blog posts, art, courses and businesses. In short, she is a Soulphisticated(TM) Lady who believes in teaching women how to live a life of purpose. Jaha is the author of 39 Days to Your New Lifescape - Become a Better You (www.jahaknight.com/39days) and The Soulphisticated Lady's Guide to Being a Boss (in her own life). (www.jahaknight.com/beaboss), with more titles to come.

4 Comments

    • Ms. Nix

      October 24, 2013 at 9:20 am

      LMBO!!!!

  1. Candace

    October 18, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Yasss!! I’m loving that card heehee. And I totally agree with the part about your intuition… it will never steer you wrong!
    Candace recently posted…The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 6My Profile

    • Ms. Nix

      October 18, 2013 at 10:13 am

      When you get that gut feeling, the one that won’t go away – you better listen!

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