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Warning: Single Friend Giving Advice

I laugh when I see “Ladies don’t take advice from your single girlfriends because it can break up your relationship”.  I shake my head at “Your single friends may be keeping you single”.  And I shrug at “Fellas your single guy friends don’t want you to settle down”.  I laugh not in humor, but in disbelief. It appears that the single and unattached get a lot of blame for the demise of many relationships. Actually, I should say the advice from single friends has caused the end of some relationships. I disagree.

Now we all have free will to follow advice or not. We decide what we will follow. Most times when you seek advice you pretty much know what you want to hear. You go in search of that friend or random person who will give voice and validation to what you truly want to do. So saying Nelly Poo told you it was okay to cheat on your man was asinine, especially when you know she has no idea what monogamy means. So saying your buddy Cletus told you to dump your woman because you were not ready to settle down is foolish, especially when you know he believes in hittin’ it and quittin’ it. You decide who you take advice from regardless of their relationship status. You can decide to listen to a voice of reason that will lay out the pros and cons of your impending decision and guide you to the best decision for you… or you can decide to mute the voice of reason. You can decide to seek out and listen to the advice that mirrors what you want to do regardless of the consequences. The choice is always yours.

The one thing I always tell my single friends who are embarking on a new relationship is to keep it to themselves as long as possible. I think they should build a cocoon around their relationship and give it a chance to grow without the interference of others. Granted, when you’re in a relationship you want to shout it out from the rooftops, but hold off a bit. A romantic relationship is between two people. At the start you’re trying to learn the dynamics of how you two will dance together as a couple. There are issues you will have to work out to determine if this is truly a good match. It’s a learning process and a period of unification.

single life meme

 While you’re in the relationship cocoon you’re deciding if you are going to be a couple or not. If you decide that it’s not going to work, then you move on dealing with just your emotions instead of having to deal with your feelings and those of others. If you decide you are a couple, then you’re building a strong, unified front against the well meaning, but unwanted interference of family and friends. Once you go public with your relationship there will be the genuinely happy as well as those who will try to insinuate themselves into the relationship. When you  have taken the time to quietly and truly build a bond with you partner it may be a bit easier to deal with some of the outside “help” you may encounter. In building that bond you’ve set boundaries as to what you will tolerate and what will not be tolerated from others concerning your relationship.

A relationship started in the public eye can be a dance of chaos. The couple, if they are not strong together, can be lost amid the advice and suggestions of people who are not a part of the relationship. A relationship started in private has the chance to develop it’s own dance steps and choreography won’t change when others are introduced. The couple won’t get lost. They will continue to do their dance.

 A relationship that is strong will withstand outside influence. A relationship that is strong will withstand outside interference. Two people in a strong relationship will communicate with each other to solve any issues that arise. If they can’t resolve their issues, then they will seek advice and counselling from a voice of reason….. single, married or professional. A strong relationship isn’t derailed by the single friends or the married friends. A strong relationship keeps dancing even when a step is missed. A strong relationship recovers and becomes stronger.

Simply put she is finally enjoying life. Each day is a chance for a new discovery. She had a very sheltered existence and now daring to venture out into the world. She has taken off the limitations and trying new things. She is single by choice, but looking forward to her next relationship. Living in the Chesapeake, VA area for now, but open to the next move.
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