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You Lying, Cheating, Son of a…I Love You! Part 2: Cheating With My Bestfriend Now What Do We Do?

Some of the closest people in our lives are the ones who effortlessly betray us.

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Ladies what if the infidelity is with your best friend? When betrayed by not only a friend, but by your lover we are conflicted about who we need to forgive. Are you to blame for keeping your flirtatious friend and/or lover in close quarters?  Who should you choose to continue a relationship with? In addition to the initial double whammy of a heart break you must decide on whether or not you want to reconnect to the man you love. The panel jumped to answer these questions and tackled the difficult situation of choosing the lover or the friend.

Today the topics are: Who to forgive when the cheating is with a friend and how do we reconnect to our love after the unfaithfulness?

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Crank up the IPod to Kelly Price singing ‘She was my best friend. Roll with me through thick and thin. Sistahs to the very end and I can’t believe it.’  At a moment like this you just cannot believe that your best friend was conniving enough to smile in your face and have your man see the same smile the next morning. Our friends are our sisters, the nourishing water that run thick as blood, and a betrayal like this cuts to the very core of our souls. A man can be replaced, but a true friend cannot. Well…a true friend would never engage in such acts. Panelists Ebony and Britton have similar ideas of how to allow the relationships fall apart and let life fall into place. However, panelists Kimberly was able to make a choice between the two betrayers.

Ebony L. DavisEbony L. Davis, Recently Single– “My best friend slept with my now ex-boyfriend. The whole time she was ‘being my friend’ with a shoulder to cry on, she was banging my man. After I discovered the truth neither she nor he are in my life. I happily released them, because I do not need any negativity in my life, especially from people who were supposed to love me.

Britton S. Boyles JenkinsBritton S. Boyles Jenkins, Divorced- In this situation, I think the best option would be to sever both relationships because neither is authentic. The ‘friend’ doesn’t have enough respect for you because they took it above the level of just being cordial with your mate. Your man does not have enough respect for your relationship judging by his obscene betraying actions with your friend.  Even if you do forgive and keep the friendship, let’s face facts you will never trust them again. If you stay with your man, you will never trust him around any woman let alone any of your friends. Save yourself the headache and just cut ties with both of them.

Kimberly JonesKimberly Jones, Single– “As far as this happening with my boyfriend I know I would just cut him loose. But…if I love someone enough to marry them then I think I would have to cut away the friend. Here’s my reasoning, the betrayal of that friendship would cut out a piece of me yet the incredible love that embraced my life would make me want to die for that person.  When I love I love with 150% of my heart and I know that if I lost my husband it would break me all together. I’m known amongst friends as a self-sufficient, strong, independent woman, however when I am in love there is nothing more important to me. So the loss of a friendship, even a very close one, would be more of a minor hurt than the loss of my husband.

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Let’s say you take Kimberly’s approach and decide to remove the friend and work on the relationship, is there a limit to the type of cheating that you are willing to forgive. There are two types of cheating: Physical; sex with no genuine emotion attached and emotional/spiritual; when your mate is not necessarily attracted to the appearance, but the heart and mind of another person. Once the infidelity has ceased can you be intimate physically and emotionally again? If you are willing to take the leap of faith and start over how long are you going to endure the rebuilding phase? Panelist Kita, Larry, and Aisha open up on how they view this stage of healing from infidelity.

 

Kita Bryant Bryant, Married– “I don’t feel there is no sex without emotion, at least for women.  I think I can deal with emotional or spiritual cheating more because you can’t help who the heart loves. I know of some great people who were attracted to the heart and sex was not the focus; it was all about truly loving that person at the wrong time. I would be willing to work on what he needed from me emotionally and spiritually if that means I get my husband back. If my husband had sex with another woman it would be the greatest challenge of my life to be intimate with him again. Even if we are embraced all I would be wondering is if he is thinking about her while he is with me. Then to add insult to injury I would wonder what she did that was so special that kept him coming back for more; is it something that I can’t fulfill?

Larry MillerLarry Miller, Married– “It’s hard to say how long someone should take to heal from the infidelity, because each person is different. For women I think there must be some reestablishment of trust and communication through actions and not just words. In order to reconnect with one another there has to be first some acknowledgement in accountability from both individuals. You then have to make a commitment to communicate verbally, emotionally and spiritually. Just to give an alternative perspective if the woman was the cheater the man seldom recovers. The image of your woman being with another man is viewed as an intrusion of territory. Which I assume is similar to another woman taking your man’s heart or body. In my opinion counseling is always a step in the right direction to recommitment.

Aisha JonesAisha Jones, Relationship 10 years-“It would honestly take an undetermined amount of time to begin to forgive, but the point is you start to forgive. Do not be afraid to ask the questions of why another woman caught his heart. Demand answers for the sake of your relationship. Be sure to talk openly about each other’s needs asking questions such as: Are you enough? Is he enough? Is this love enough to see us through? The second step would be to set realistic boundaries to begin to rebuild the trust. Now while in this process you cannot check his social media, text messages, phone logs etc. every hour on the hour to ensure that he is not cheating. That is not trust! If you are going to make the decision to open your heart again it must be open all the way.

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From friends to lovers, love is the foundation of forgiveness and trust are the pillars upon which we stand for new beginnings. We must always pay close attention to who we open our hearts to in order to survive the rough terrain of any kind of relationship. We are the people we keep around us and if any of them poison our spirits we must release them and become renewed.  When renewing a relationship how powerful is forgiveness? Is it strong enough to allow a ‘freebie’ in the cheating realm or even courageously begin to love again? Find out tomorrow what the panelists opinions are on freebies, forgiveness, and starting over.

 

About the Writer:

Butterfly purpleCarmen Fletcher is a Public Relations Manager and writer that willingly shares her perspective on life, love, and more through poetry, testimonies, and inspirational stories. She is a Contributing Writer on www.breathoflifedaily.com  and has contributed to the book Super Singles Activate! Testimonies to Inspire and Uplift the Single Woman. In  addition she is currently working on several books and orchestrating the Rise Above campaign featured on the fan page of inspirational book Yes! Confess Success www.facebook.com/CBFWorld

About the Panel:

Kita Bryant Kita Bryant is from Atlanta, Georgia. She is married 8 years and a state at home mommy. You can get more advice from Kita at: www.saywhatuwanna.com

 

 

Aisha Jones Aisha Jones is from Atlanta, Georgia. She has been in a relationship for 10 years and is a childcare provider. You can find more of Aisha’s great advice at:https://www.facebook.com/TheHappyHairAffair

 

 

Britton S. Boyles JenkinsBritton S. Boyles Jenkins is from Columbia, South Carolina. She is divorced and is a social worker. You can find more of Britton on her blog at: http://mbblife.com/

 

 

Kimberly JonesKimberly Jones is from Atlanta, Georgia. She is currently single and works as a marketing director. You can find more about Kimberly on her facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kahlia-Black/182054925262886

 

 

Ebony L. DavisEbony L. Davis is from Washington, D.C. She is recently single and has a wonderful blog site you will thoroughly enjoy. You can find her at: http://www.cupidsplanner.com/

 

 

Larry MillerLarry Miller is from Chicago, Illinois and married. He is the author of How to Cheat and Not Get Busted and is a contributing writer at Luv&Relationships.com.

C.B. Fletcher is a public relations manager that has worked with domestic and international pr campaigns in the entertainment, fashion, hospitality, and literary industry. She continues to pursue independent projects and collaborations for events and growing businesses. As a contributing writer to Breath of Life Daily, Ms.Nix In The Mix, and The Urban Realist she has had the opportunity to feature intriguing and uplifting stories of people from around the country, as well as lend her perspective on risque and complicated subjects. She also has caught the directing bug in her first upcoming documentary about the journey of a woman fighting Mucoepidermoid carcinoma cancer; Some People Are Just (Un)Lucky. C.B. lives in Atlanta, GA and embraces the fulfilling love of her long term relationship and incredible family and friends. For more information on upcoming articles, films, and snippets from her upcoming books please visit www.facebook.com/CBFWorld.

2 Comments

  1. Cynthia

    March 27, 2013 at 12:14 am

    This is a huge topic among my friends right now. I don’t know if it is because we are getting older, unhappy in our relationships or what is going on. I have been cheated on before and it is not a great feeling. What I have never understood is when a friend cheats with your man, especially a good friend. She knows all the dirt on this man yet she cheats with him. And also, you see the misery that your friend is going through, what about this man would make you put another human being that you say that you love and care about through the horrible emotions of not only being cheated on but losing her best friend as well. Just selfishness?

    • Ms. Nix

      March 27, 2013 at 4:53 pm

      As we get older, we should look at the past relationships and analyze the roles we played in the success and failure of a partnership, make the effort to change the negative behaviors and set firm principles – a moral code by which we will live by in every aspect of our lives. Cheating is being considered the norm rather than the exception; there are so many women who are willing to have a piece of man and will settle for the crumbs he is willing to give her; rather than standing firm and waiting on the man she really deserves. She settles – yes, we don’t want to grow old and we want companionship but do we have to sacrifice ourselves for something that is only going to tear us up emotionally and tear us down mentally???? NO!!! Cheating is a very selfish and self-serving act; there is no love in it…..but how you deal with the situation after it happens plays a big role on how you will view yourself and the other party and set up how your partner will treat you in the future if it is not handled properly.

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