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Mistress Series: Darkness in His Eyes – Jael

darkness in his eyes image 1v1 What is love, but a dangerous gamble in which I am often the loser.   In order to conquer such a dangerous game I decided to eradicate it all together and live to fulfill my needs.  Fulfillment does not come easy when it needs to fill my bank account and body.  Who am I to care for the hearts I’ve broken on my path to fulfillment, they have served their purpose as I have mine. The sacrifice of valueless dignity is worth it to only be bound by the sheets that I must lay under to gain access to my freedom from love. I am a Mistress.

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I’ve been called ho, skank, slut but my name is Jael. I’m no hooker let’s not be mistaken. I get what I need and need what I get so don’t get it twisted. I know that what I have to offer trumps any ‘good girl’ mess out there with twice the tricks. So here is my story. We met like any other couple does these days, Antonio and I, at the office. Antonio flirted with me and I saw an opportunity to get what I needed. After alluring him with anything I could put in or say out of my mouth he finally accepted the invitation to my place.

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We rolled through, under, and on top of my expensive cotton sheets and down comforter that my other man bought for me all night. Then I showed him how deep and what else I could do with mouth. Between his clothes hidden in my drawers and the remains of each other’s nectar on our bodies it seemed like he never left.  Even though I would never wake up to see the glimmer of love or care in his eyes, I knew my body was fulfilled although my heart never would be.

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At first everything was going smoothly. I had one fool who ‘loved me’ and another who loved my body enough to pay for it. Keep in mind I am no hooker, I don’t screw for cash I screw for fulfillment. Antonio was never my type, but his wallet was.  Antonio put up money for all my lifestyle needs from my home to pampering, and money to blow out with my girlfriends with no questions asked. I was able to keep the two men separate for my different pleasures and fulfillment, my life made sense.

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We kept it discrete around the office; after all its unprofessional to fraternize with your superior. However when he got me in his car or my house I welcomed his lips and tongue to gently and vigorously remove the honey and whipped cream from my ‘lips’. Then of course my legs would open to practice new positions found in and out of the karma sutra. I told you no ‘good girl’ could do it like me.

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After a while it seemed like word got out that Antonio was giving cash for ass and many women were approaching him. To my knowledge he wasn’t giving them all the treatment that he was giving me. Even if he was, I was more than willing to share his shaft as long as he took care of me. However I noticed that his interest began to stray and there were not as many gifts, cash, or company. I felt rejected and unappreciated which was not how this arrangement was supposed to work.  I never loved him that is a weakness I choose not to share with anyone. I would feel more shameful being a victim of love than taking what I need and running like most men do.

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Some women out there may view me as bitter, sad, or heartbroken, none of which I am. I am not ashamed to tell people that I get what I need from men and move on. We as women have to think about how much damage we bring onto ourselves by allowing love to dictate our actions. Love yourself and only yourself because that is who greets you in the mirror in the morning. Men don’t settle down with women who are adorned in sweet chocolate brown skin like me. That use to bother me, but I would rather own my power as woman to get what I need than to plead for some man to weaken me with love.  Where is the power in that? I’m sexy, accomplished, and I have two men who fulfill the other needs that I don’t want to fulfill myself: Sex, Bills, and Livelihood. What more do I need?

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If you ever find yourself lying next to some else’s man or someone you charmed into giving you everything you need, know the devils you are dealing with. If you do something do it without regret and remember to be ready for the aftermath of your choices. I did not make a choice to survive, I made the choice to live. Saying that you open your legs for survival implies that there is a struggle, but not in the life of a Mistress.  I am the commander of my own fate and choose who comes in and out of my life. Sure I roll over and look into the eyes of my charming and cash friendly Antonio and see nothing but darkness. However I look in his eyes like I look in my mirror and see that I am fulfilled with all my needs. Then I see that the darkness is in me.

**This story was created based on an interview with a mistress and all names have been changed for privacy. The sequence of events, rhetoric, thoughts, and ideals were based on the answers given by the interviewee and do not reflect the ideals of the writer**

About the Author:

Butterfly purpleCarmen Fletcher is a Public Relations Manager and writer that willingly shares her perspective on life, love, and more through poetry, testimonies, and inspirational stories. She is a Contributing Writer on www.breathoflifedaily.com  and has contributed to the book Super Singles Activate! Testimonies to Inspire and Uplift the Single Woman. In  addition she is currently working on several books and orchestrating the Rise Above campaign featured on the fan page of inspirational book Yes! Confess Success www.facebook.com/CBFWorld

C.B. Fletcher is a public relations manager that has worked with domestic and international pr campaigns in the entertainment, fashion, hospitality, and literary industry. She continues to pursue independent projects and collaborations for events and growing businesses. As a contributing writer to Breath of Life Daily, Ms.Nix In The Mix, and The Urban Realist she has had the opportunity to feature intriguing and uplifting stories of people from around the country, as well as lend her perspective on risque and complicated subjects. She also has caught the directing bug in her first upcoming documentary about the journey of a woman fighting Mucoepidermoid carcinoma cancer; Some People Are Just (Un)Lucky. C.B. lives in Atlanta, GA and embraces the fulfilling love of her long term relationship and incredible family and friends. For more information on upcoming articles, films, and snippets from her upcoming books please visit www.facebook.com/CBFWorld.

3 Comments

  1. Larry

    April 24, 2013 at 2:43 am

    She can justify it anyway she wants too.
    She is what she says she is a mistress someone who sells,lends etc. herself out for favors.
    Fullfilled I don’t believe that for a minute.
    She has been living this way for who knows how long and has accepted it as the best she can do.
    “Men don’t settle down with women who are adorned in sweet chocolate brown skin like me”. That’s a quote from her.
    Is that what she sees when she looks in the mirror?
    there is more to this story too be told.
    I hope we get to read it.
    Good piece Carmen.

    • Carmen

      April 24, 2013 at 5:20 pm

      Larry you’re right. From your stance there is no true way to justify her actions. However think of it from her point of view. No one was giving her what she needed as a woman so instead of moping about it she went out and took it. It is a dangerous route to take to obtain the type of fulfillment she is looking for. It doesn’t make it right but men do the exact same thing and are seldom caught, but equally condemned for it. There is certainly more to her story so stay tuned.

      • Ms. Nix

        April 24, 2013 at 5:54 pm

        Carmen I think men receive a badge of honor among other men which encourages the behavior and boost their ego to continue. Women act this way for very different reasons and until they deal with the real issues the behavior won’t change.

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